The X-Factor, My Cousin, and Risk Taking

This past weekend, my cousin Kristin auditioned for "The X-Factor."  Although in the end she was not selected, she gave her very best, was allowed to show off her immense talent, and walked away proud of herself.  She knew she had given her all and had earned the right to hold her head high.  She's already looking forward to her next major audition.

I watched as the whole thing unfolded on my Facebook page.  Regular updates from both Kristin and her sister Kassie allowed me to vicariously experience the excitement, the nervousness, the sheer joy of performing in front of an audience.  In the end, I wanted to stand up and give Kristin a standing ovation for having the sheer guts, the  faith in herself to do what so many are never able to do.  She took a huge risk.  Maybe she wasn't selected this time, but the confidence she gained and the desire to push on are priceless rewards.

Kristin with Tommy Tutone, one of the judges.
Photo courtesy of Kassie Moxon

Why am I posting about this on a blog primarily about writing?  Any talent-based venture, be it music, writing, dance, art... each begins by taking a risk.  By standing up and saying, "I can do this.  I want to do this."

The way I see it, success in these ventures can be broken down into just two primary pieces:  talent and perseverance.  Bicker all you want about how big the percentage is of each piece, but without both, there will be no success.

Although a lucky select few are born with a brilliant innate talent, many of us are able to take advantage of a single spark of talent, or the hint of a talent.  Over time, with practice and teaching from others who have gone before us, we are able to hone that talent and make it shine.  Change it into something that others also find valuable.

You can have all the talent in the world, but it is useless without the drive and the perseverance to deliver it.  You must show off this talent.  Let others see it.  Put it in front of their faces if you have to.  If you have something to sing, get up on that stage and sing it.  If you have something to say, post it where everyone can find it.  Artists, paint your hearts out and then show the world.  You will get "no."  It's inevitable.  But eventually, you will get "yes."  Take that first "yes" and make it work for you.  Let it snowball.

Today I applied for a writing position that some might consider above my head.  I have faith that, given the chance, I could rock this position.  And who cares?  I took the risk.  I'll take it again.  You remember what they say about the lottery, right?  You can't win if you don't buy a ticket.

I Don't Get No Respect

Seriously.  This is not what I do all day.
Photo by graur codrin

What do people see when you tell them you are a writer?

Option 1:  You in your pajamas and fuzzy bunny slippers at 2 in the afternoon, sitting at your desk and playing solitaire.

Option 2:  You in your pajamas and fuzzy bunny slippers at 2 in the afternoon, sitting on your couch and watching reruns of Judge Judy.

Option 3:  You in your pajamas and fuzzy bunny slippers at 2 in the afternoon, lying in your bed and taking your second nap of the day.

What exactly is it that we do?  Does anyone know?

If writing is your full time occupation, are you somehow lazier than your counterparts who get up and drive into the city wearing high heels or a tie?  Does planting butt in chair and allowing words to stream from your brain into your fingers, regardless of whether they are fictional or researched, make your work less serious?  Is it playtime, all the time, when you write?

I know it isn't for me.  It's been almost a year since I looked at my options and decided that making a go of freelance writing was the best decision.  I don't regret that.  But I wonder how I'm seen through the eyes of the people who know me.

I work hard most days.  My daily schedule is filled in from morning until about 9 pm.  I write in my breaks.  Just because my work is flexible doesn't mean it's less important.  I've come a long way in the last twelve months.

Freelancing Around Asperger's

Use waiting room time wisely.
Photo by Ambro

I got a nice shout-out today over on the Urban Muse's website, in an article entitled Freelancing Around Doctor and Dentist Appointments.  The question raised was:  How do you do it?

The problem of multiple doctor appointments was one of the main reasons I turned to freelancing in the first place.  As nice as the security of a 9 to 5 (okay, 7 to 4, yuck) job is, it's practically impossible to weave it around a schedule involving multiple appointments every week.  As much as I tried to keep all the appointments on a single day, unexpected situations that were beyond my control continued to crop up.  To make matters worse, when all my sick time was being used to stay on top of the situation with my son, it really left us in the lurch when my daughter or I would get sick.

We did our best for as long as we could, alternating sick leave between me and my husband, riding the edge of the FMLA line.  But it simply couldn't last.  When my son required inpatient hospitalization, that was the last straw.  It occurred to me, as I was leaving work to try and make rounds at Children's, that this wasn't working anymore.  I was tired of arguing with my boss, I was tired of meeting with HR to discuss "my attendance problem," I was tired of worrying about the phone calls from school.  I was just plain tired.

At that point, I took a month of unpaid leave to figure out if we could make it if I left work.  I had already been dabbling in freelancing; maybe now was the time to see if it could really work.  Things are tight, but building fast, so I have a lot of hope.  We certainly aren't rich, but we are slowly digging ourselves out of a hole.  And I can work around the crazy appointment schedule, free to drop what I am doing to go put out any fire that might arise.  Not to mention, I've been able to use my experiences as fodder for writing, and I've discovered that I have a powerful voice in the autism/Asperger's niche.

Here's all the ways I work around the appointments:

• As mentioned in the post by the Urban Muse, I bring my netbook with me whenever possible to get work done, especially if it's going to be an especially long or tedious appointment.
• I use the downtime to check emails, read other blogs, tweet... things that are easy to do from my phone and that get lost in the shuffle of writing sometimes.
• I can make the appointment work for me too.  My son's doctors and therapists are a wealth of knowledge and are perfect interview subjects.  I discuss potential ideas and articles (briefly) and ask if they would be willing to schedule an interview later.
• Sometimes it's nice to just kick back and read a bit on my Kindle app. I don't get much time to just enjoy a book and the waiting room can be the perfect place to recharge.

What's your biggest time challenge when it comes to getting the work done?

Resolutions? Really?

Here it comes! Are your plans in place?
Image by Salvatore Vuono

It's that time again.  Time to make a bunch of promises to myself that I will surely break by January 3.  Maybe I can try calling them something different.  How about goals?  Ugh.  That just reeks of rah-rah you-can-do-it life coaching strategies.  All that positivity makes me ill. Can we call it a plan?  That sounds pretty good.  I like to make plans. I probably would have made a good project manager.  I make the plan and someone else has to follow it?  Sounds good to me!

Back to the topic at hand.  My plans for the new year contain many of the old, perennial favorites, but I'm actually heading in this year with some decent strategies in place.  I just need to keep up the momentum.  Here's my PLAN for the 2012:

1.  Live healthier (and hopefully drop some weight).  I've already put this plan in action.  I bought a book from someone about dealing with all that inner junk, to help work on the outer junk.  I know that I definitely have a lot of baggage in this arena, so hopefully this will help.  Can't hurt, right?

2.  Get my money issues in order.  This is an ongoing project over at the other blog.  It's at least something that I'm always conscious of, so hopefully that will keep things going in the right direction.  

3.  Keep the house in better shape.  I am a terrible housekeeper.  I just don't know what it is, but I just plain loathe housework.  And the poor house reflects it.  I don't quite have a strategy for this one yet.  Obviously the simplest strategy is "pick up as you go," but just like the simple strategy for weight loss is "eat less and move more," there's something getting in my way.  If it were that easy, there wouldn't be a whole shelf in the library dedicated to it, right?

And now the writing goals:

1.  Get that stupid city license.  I have the paperwork I need for it (finally), but thanks to holiday money issues, I wound up having to wait.  First paycheck in January is paying for that darn license.  Then I'm going to put my local marketing plan into action!

2.  Finish editing the novel.  Ugh, I know.  I've been saying this forever.  My poor baby is just sitting there, neglected.  I need to just get over it and get it done.  I find it harder and harder to work on projects that aren't actively paying me at the moment.  I need to set up a plan for that darn thing and make it happen.

3.  Start marketing magazine articles more aggressively.  My first real printed magazine article is coming out in March.  At that point I'll have a solid clip.  I plan to drop that clip all over town.  I'm thrilled that I have cultivated a positive relationship with the magazine.  They want me to do more work for them and I'm really excited about that!  Speaking of which...

4.  Get that e-book done. The magazine wants to promote it.  A nationwide ready-made audience ready to read my work?  What the hell am I waiting for?  I think there's a fear factor here, and I'm going to need to deal with it.

5.  Keep working on improving my productivity and efficiency.  It's getting better, but there's still work to be done.  I found a nifty little toy yesterday.  An online stopwatch.  So simple it's almost stupid.  But it kept me focused for long stretches of time, and I really got stuff done.  Good deal.

What will you be working on in the coming months?

Finding Time for the Fun Stuff

Is it possible to find time for play without feeling guilty?

Image by Idea go

I've found that one of the biggest challenges of working at home has been finding time to do something fun without feeling a bit guilty about it.  The feeling is probably understandable.  I've spent most of my employment life working in a public place with supervisors peering over my shoulder, making sure I'm actually working and not goofing off on the company dime.  My ears are still attuned to the clacking of high heels as a supervisor attempts to sneak up behind me.

So when I'm at home, regardless of the time of day, I feel a little bit guilty if I'm sitting on the couch sharing a snuggle with my daughter, taking the time to mess around on facebook or playing the new video game I just picked up.  My computer is right there, calling me.  "Wooooooooork," it tells me.  "Time's wasting!  You could be doing something productive right now!"

Yes, I probably could be, but we all know what all work and no play does to writers, right?

I've dropped some of my computer games.  I feel slightly less guilty sitting on the couch with an Xbox controller than I do playing WoW on the PC.  That just smacks too much of "goofing off on the job."  It also helps that I can justify playing the Xbox as being "work."  (I know, my life is so difficult, right?)  After each days Skyrim session I'm writing up a journal that is going to be posted at Comics Bulletin as part of our new game coverage.

Reading is another place where I have trouble.  Like the games, I can sometimes justify it as part of my job, but what if I'm just rereading a favorite that I have no intention of reviewing?  Reading can be time consuming and it takes away from time I could be working.

I suppose, just like scheduling my work to be more productive, I could also schedule my "fun." But then it feels too much like work!  Establishing actual "office hours" might be an answer, that way if I'm playing Skyrim and it's three in the afternoon I know perfectly well I'm wasting company time.  Except that part of the reason I work at home is to keep my hours variable so I can deal with the numerous crises that might occur throughout the day.

What is your solution for balancing work and play?

The Productivity Game

Still looking for that magic feather...

Photo by scottchan

Too many mornings I've sat down at my desk, ready to get started raking in the dough... and instead found myself goofing off on Facebook or looking at funny pictures of cats.  To anyone looking in, it might look as if I have nothing to do when it's really the total opposite.

Do I start on the article for the client?
Do I work on a post for this blog?
Do I work on a post for the financial blog?
Do I update my website?
Do I work on some marketing?
Do I work on my e-book?
Do I edit the novel?
Do I query some articles?
Do I write that game review on my back burner?

I could actually keep going on this list.

If I have a pressing deadline, that can usually point me in one direction, but once that's done, I'm caught back up in what my mother calls the "paralysis of analysis."  Too many options, and no idea which should take precedence over another.  Plus, I still have books and blogs to read, classes to take, games to play....

I didn't realize how much it was bothering me (or how much it could potentially be losing me) until I actually had a dream about it the other night.  I dreamed that I had downloaded some kind of magic worksheet that allowed me to properly prioritize my projects, put things into perspective, and allowed me to quadruple my daily output.  I was a writer on fire!  When I woke up, I actually hit Google trying to see if such a magic productivity worksheet actually existed.  Of course, in this same dream I had gorgeous straight hair and looked like Sarah Michelle Gellar, but I figured at least part of it might be a possibility.

Alas, such a worksheet does not appear to exist.  I did find a book called The Productive Writer, and a number of worksheets that go along with it, and I downloaded the book onto the Kindle.  Unfortunately, my Kindle decided to go belly up so I haven't made it past the introduction yet.  The kind people at Amazon are sending me a replacement and I'll hopefully have more insight at that point.

In the meantime, I'll continue using my workaround.  I make a list of my options, attempt to rank them by importance, and dig in.  Perhaps, in time, I'll invent my own magic productivity worksheet.  I doubt I really need it, though.  It's likely something along the lines of Dumbo's feather -- all I need is the belief that I can fly, the feather just helps to focus that belief.

Although it would still be nice to look like Sarah Michelle Gellar.  Oh well.

How do you organize your projects?

Work-at-Home Parent vs. Stay-at-Home Parent

Do you find a way to blur the lines between

working at home and staying at home?

Photo by Carlos Porto

Disclaimer!

This post is in no way intended to insinuate that one of these should be construed as "better" than the other or more noble in any way, shape or form.  For that matter, the same thing goes for parents who work outside the home.  As a parent you are the only one who knows what is best for your family and situation and nobody ever has the right to tell you otherwise!!

Okay, climbing off the soap box now...

As much as I would like to claim that I ditched my full-time job and went into freelance writing out of some romantic starving artist notion, it simply isn't the truth.  While I didn't go into this kicking and screaming (and rather enjoy it, in fact), it was a decision that involved a lot of discussion, testing and compromise.

The driving force behind the decision was the fact that I was needed at home.  My son has special needs and I am frequently needed to deal with situations at the school.  When you work outside the home, phone calls from the school and leaving frequently to pick up a child from school isn't exactly the best way to score points with the management.  An FMLA is helpful, but it can't solve every situation.

As the situation got stickier and stickier and I spent more time "visiting" with human resources, I realized that I was going to have to make a decision.  At the time, I had started dabbling in freelance writing and I'd had some success earning money.  Could I do this full time?  I wasn't sure, but I suspected I was going to be finding out soon.

I took a sabbatical from work in May to try and see how leaving work would go.  I felt lighter almost instantly.  Having the ability to get up and go whenever I needed without running it past my boss, which usually involved a great deal of anxiety on my part, complete with hammering heartbeat and dry mouth, was such a freeing experience.  I knew right away that, for the sake of my son and for my own sanity, we were going to have to find a way to make this work.

For many families, the story would end there.  One parent stays home to handle the situation with the child while another goes to work.  In our case it wasn't quite that simple.  One paycheck simply doesn't cut it.  Bills still have to get paid, especially since our medical bills can be quite high.

I'm fortunate enough to have a talent and a desire to work from home.  But I've found that separating "work from home" with "stay at home" isn't quite as simple as I initially thought. I've indulged myself numerous times, starting work late, taking the kids to the park, procrastinating to watch a movie with my daughter, stopping work to play a game with my son...  everything still gets done on time, but I could probably get a lot more done if I would do better about buckling down.

And then I remind myself that my daughter won't always be three, and she won't always think that snuggling on the couch with mom is a great way to spend a morning.  My son won't always want to show me his new guitar chords or his latest science experiment.  So maybe it's okay to blur the lines between working at home and staying at home.

So maybe it's not such a black and white issue after all.  Maybe it's a spectrum, like this:

<--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->
Stay-at-home                                                            Work-at-home

And I'm happily somewhere in the middle.

If you are a parent working home, where do you fall on the spectrum?

The Art of the "No"

When should you turn down a request for help?

Photo by Tungphoto

I confess to having a weak spot for a person in need.  I've certainly had to rely on the kindness of others more than once in my life, and I like having the opportunity to pay it back whenever I can.  Since I generally don't have a lot of cash handy, I usually offer my time.

Here's the problem with that.

I sometimes forget that time is just as valuable a commodity as that green paper you keep in your wallet.  (Notice I said that you keep in your wallet.  There's certainly none of it in mine.)  And others forget that work at home doesn't equate play at home.

Recently I got myself into a situation where I was way over my head.  A friend asked for help and I did my darndest to oblige.  A month turned into three months and I soon found myself exhausted and frustrated by the favor I was doing.  And I had no idea how to get myself out of it, since their livelihood depended on my assistance.

I was complaining and moaning about it, but I couldn't find the guts to simply say "no."  Or rather, I did, but the friend came back with a counter offer, and I said "okay," cursing myself the entire time.

Finally last week I had an epiphany.  I was putting my friend's family's needs over my own family's needs and certainly far above my own needs.  A favor was fast turning into a full time job.  I took a day to get my guts together and then the next day I sat her down, ready to hand her my awful verdict.

And got the surprise of my life.  She had already solved the problem in a way that would no longer require my assistance. She had already realized that she was asking for too much and had taken the steps to fix the situation, not wanting to feel like she was taking advantage of me.  I was incredibly relieved, since I was worried that saying "no" could put a strain on the friendship.  But instead, she gets to keep her job and I get my life back and all's well that ends well.

So what does this have to do with writing?

1.  If you work at home, before you agree to help out with a volunteer commitment that is likely to take up your time, remember that the keyword is "work."  Any job you take on that doesn't directly contribute to your income (and even some that do contribute to your income) is likely to cause your income and productivity to take a hit.  Trying to recoup that income is likely to leave you stressed and exhausted.

2.  Before agreeing to help out, consider the reality of the situation.  How much time is this really going to take?  Will helping out cost me money?  In my case, I learned that four kids really are not just as easy as two, and feeding the ravenous hordes was digging into my grocery bill.

3.  Negotiate.  Sometimes a trade can be more valuable than cash.  When someone needs assistance and can't offer you money, try to set up a barter system.  Everyone has a talent.  Sometimes a favor in the future can be beneficial.

Just to be straight -- I'm not saying never help out a friend in need and never volunteer.  Volunteerism is good.  The world would be a better place if people gave of their time and money more freely.  But do so on your own terms and don't overwhelm yourself with duties.  Burning out benefits no one.

I actually just offered my help in another arena last night.  I'll probably never be an expert on the art of saying "no."  But I did do a much better job assessing the time and energy commitment.  And if it gets to be too much, I will back out gracefully, standing firm in my decision.

Patching the Holes

Caution -- Work in Progress

image by Idea go

I have a tendency to jump into things feet-first, learning as I go, and fixing errors when needed.  Although I'm good at research, I am often impatient.  Plus, sometimes I never realize how challenging certain tasks can be and I bite off far more than anyone could possibly chew.

But I think one of my better qualities is the ability to take a step back, analyze the situation, find the mistakes and fix them.

When I decided that freelance writing was something I wanted to pursue, I jumped in feet first, as per my norm.  Need a website?  Got it!  How about a blog? No sweat! Out went the query letters and I started plugging away.  Then reality smacked me upside the face.

1.  I have no web design skills at all.
2.  I didn't know what direction my blog should take.
3.  I had no credits to impress potential clients with.

Well, that's a problem.

So I got to work fixing them.

I tackled #2 and #3 first.  I now have a stable-full of credits, even some ghostwriting work that clients were nice enough to let me use.  One of my biggest annoyances is that some of my work is still stuck on a "content farm" site.  I didn't want to make my blog a "catch-all," and I like to write about different things, so I'm still trying to decide how to approach that.  I'm writing more and more about Asperger's, since that's a topic rather dear to my heart, and I'm toying with the idea of creating a blog that deals specifically with that.  Then I would have a place to post those articles.  I've also got some pretty decent stuff up over at Comics Bulletin, and I need to find a way to showcase that better.

This blog has consolidated itself and found its purpose in the last several months and I'm glad for that.  An occasional off-topic post is fine, but I prefer stable subject matter.

This morning I went after #1.  I was hating my website.  It looked crummy and bland and had pretty much no visual interest at all.  I dug around and played with different features, and this morning I actually have a website I'm proud of.  It still needs some work, no question, but it's getting there.  I need to figure out why some of the links are green and some are grey (does it just show like that for me? I can't tell!), but it looks a lot more professional.  I want to get more visuals up there, but it's going to take some more playing and fiddling.  I tried to add a picture of me, but it got all weird and stretched out, so that's going to take some figuring out as well.

So my question for you --

Are you a feet-first person, patching the holes as you go?  Or do you research all the details and hire a professional for the things you aren't 100 percent sure about?

The "Go with the Flow" Phenomenon

Ever made a decision and had all the pieces click into place?

Image by Danilo Rizzuti

Life is full of choices.  Some are small ones:  what to have for breakfast, which socks to wear, whether to buy that book you want in paperback or on Kindle.  Others are potential life changers:  the decision to go back to school, change careers, have kids.  Often we simply have to make a list of the pros and cons, pick a side and hope like crazy that we made the right decision.  

But I've found throughout my life that the world has a way of telling you when you've made a good decision.  This can be ascribed to any number of conditions:  some may call it fate, others may think of it as God's will, others may consider it the balance of the universe.  The label doesn't matter, but I call it going with the flow.

Have you ever made a big decision and watched pieces click into place in a way that felt like it couldn't be an accident?  I've seen this many times in my life.  For me, it's the clue that I'm on the right path and doing what I'm meant to do in this world.  Or have you made a decision and been stymied time after time, with every turn a challenge and nothing working out like it should?  I've experienced this as well, with decisions that I've looked back on later and wondered what I could have possibly been thinking.

Ten years ago I was a single mom, separated after leaving a horrible relationship and responsible for a 1-year-old boy.  The only job I could get was a minimum wage gig working the checkout at a local drugstore.  I lived in a one-bedroom barely there apartment.  I knew I needed to make a change, for the sake of my son if nothing else, but I didn't know what to do.  I got to talking to one of the women who worked in the pharmacy as a technician.  It seemed like something I could do and it paid twice what I was making.  I made the decision to get pharmacy tech training.

And things began clicking into place.  I made phone calls to find a program.  Every school was full, but I got put on waiting lists.  A week later, one of the schools called to tell me that an opening had come available and I would be starting the following month.  I qualified for a grant that would not only pay for my schooling but would also help with some of my living expenses.  I was able to set up an arrangement with daycare and family that would allow me to go to school eight hours a day and follow that with a shift at the store.  After I had been in class for three months, the drugstore moved me to the pharmacy so I could start my training back there.  This came with a pay raise and nights that weren't so late.

I was where I was supposed to be at that time in my life.  I moved to a pharmacy in a grocery store and then took a contract job at the University.  After I had my daughter, when money was tight, the University called me at exactly the right time to see if I wanted to come back and work for them.  They bought my contract and I worked there for the next three years.  

When I realized I wanted to do more and wanted to use my writing and editing talents, the same coincidences started happening.  A Google search landed me a volunteer gig web editing, an easy way to gather experience.  I found inexpensive classes to work towards a certificate in technical writing that fit into my schedule.  I found websites brimming with advice that pointed me exactly where I needed to be.  And I had the pieces in place when my life took a turn and I needed to leave the cushy University position.

My husband has observed this phenomenon as well.  He says that once he met me, the relationship felt "effortless" and things went smoother than any relationship he had ever been in.  When I interviewed a friend for an article, she mentioned the same phenomenon, without any prodding from me.  She decided to open a kid's consignment store and all the pieces started clicking into place.  A year later, she is a successful small-business owner.  

Have you ever experienced this in your own life?  What do you call it?