Death of a Coffeehouse

Image by Jeroen van Oostrom

Last Friday, I met a friend at my favorite local coffeehouse, Caffe Felice.  The place was packed, and I had to move quickly to score us a table.  Practically since it opened, it's been my go-to place for writing and meeting people.  A central, public location that's never too noisy but not so quiet that you feel uncomfortable having a conversation. The coffee was fantastic, the owners were friendly...

Yesterday, following an appointment, I decided to go down there for a couple hours with my netbook to get some writing work done.  As I pulled into the Landing, I noticed that the parking was easier than usual.  Well, that's nice, I thought.  I should have no problem getting a table today.  I was lost in my own thoughts until I approached the door.  A brightly colored bouquet caught my eyes, threaded through the door handles.  A printed sign hung on both doors:  Closed.

I looked at the bouquet.  Had somebody died?  There was a card tucked into the flowers.  I hunkered down a little bit to read it.  I don't remember the exact words, but the writer essentially expressed her regret at the "unnecessary death of a small business and a fine addition to the Landing."  I stood there for a moment as the reality sank in.  It was gone.  My favorite writing and meeting place had vanished, suddenly, somehow, between last Friday and today.

I drove home, hoping to find some answers as to what had happened.  They were gone from Facebook (I had, of course, friended them).  Their website only linked to a domain name directory.  I found no links on Google that even mentioned that they had closed, only articles about their opening two years ago and the usual review sites.

What went wrong?  I'm racking my brain, but I can only think of a few things:

• Over the past year, their hours had slowly decreased.  At one time, they had been open until 9 pm, making them the perfect place to spend time before a late movie (which I had done), a meeting place for a book club (which I had also done), and getting a little evening work done while the kiddo was at Scouts (guess what?).  Slowly, the time they were open slipped back until they were open until 8 (which eliminated the book club option and the Scouts option), and then 7.  My visits decreased, since that evening availability was no longer there.
• The place was always packed, but I've been witness to people coming in with food from the 5 Guys up the street, eating their lunch, then leaving without buying anything at all.  Really, could you be more rude?  I always made a point of purchasing something when I went in, a coffee, an iced tea, oatmeal, a bagel... Were others not so considerate?  Was the free wi-fi slowly killing them while giving the appearance of a bustling business?
• While searching for answers on Google, I noticed that some person had written an utterly scathing review of Caffe Felice and proceeded to place it on practically every review site available.  I read through the review and came to the conclusion that the person writing it was... well, a jerk.  The owner, not one to suffer fools, was apparently quite open in letting him know that.  I can't say I don't blame her.  Isn't that part of the joy of owning your own business though?  Not having to kiss up to anyone you don't want to?  Did she need to do a better job of playing the "customer is always right" game?

I don't know the answer, and all of this is merely speculation.  I am sad, and I wish I could find out what happened.  I'm sure that there's a lesson to be learned here for small businesses or anyone who is their own boss.  

What is the lesson here?

An Update on the Schedule Change

This is what we're trying to avoid.
Photo by Stuart Miles

As you may recall, I was working on trying to shift my hours to take advantage of those morning hours that I prefer to sleep through.  Since it's been a week, I thought I'd post an update.

Last week was spring break, so my thought was that I would kind of "ease into it."  It worked pretty well.  I was working by 9 am every morning, so that's an hour improvement right there.  I definitely felt more productive throughout the week, so I'm pleased with that.

Today was going to be the more difficult day.  I was going to be up by 6:30, sending my kid out the door by 7:30 and working by 8.  Wellll.... it's 9 am and I'm writing so it's not as bad as it was before.  But I found myself stomping off to go lie down a little longer at 7:30 rather than heading into the kitchen to start my coffee.

I see some success and I can identify the obstacles, so maybe I can still make this work.

First off, I'm working at 9 instead of 10, so that's still a victory, even if it's a small one.  Just like any other behavioral change plan, you have to celebrate the small successes, so yay me! (haha)  Secondly, I went to bed waaaaaay too late last night.  Then once I got to bed, I had a really hard time getting to sleep.  While I don't know of any way to force myself to go to sleep (at least any that I'm willing to try), I do need to work on getting to bed earlier.

Tomorrow I have to be up early because I have an IEP meeting for my son scheduled for 7:30 am.  Yuck.  It's not going to be a productive day in general though... too many appointments.  But hopefully it will help with the overall schedule reset.  I'll update in another week and we'll see where I'm at.

I Don't Get No Respect

Seriously.  This is not what I do all day.
Photo by graur codrin

What do people see when you tell them you are a writer?

Option 1:  You in your pajamas and fuzzy bunny slippers at 2 in the afternoon, sitting at your desk and playing solitaire.

Option 2:  You in your pajamas and fuzzy bunny slippers at 2 in the afternoon, sitting on your couch and watching reruns of Judge Judy.

Option 3:  You in your pajamas and fuzzy bunny slippers at 2 in the afternoon, lying in your bed and taking your second nap of the day.

What exactly is it that we do?  Does anyone know?

If writing is your full time occupation, are you somehow lazier than your counterparts who get up and drive into the city wearing high heels or a tie?  Does planting butt in chair and allowing words to stream from your brain into your fingers, regardless of whether they are fictional or researched, make your work less serious?  Is it playtime, all the time, when you write?

I know it isn't for me.  It's been almost a year since I looked at my options and decided that making a go of freelance writing was the best decision.  I don't regret that.  But I wonder how I'm seen through the eyes of the people who know me.

I work hard most days.  My daily schedule is filled in from morning until about 9 pm.  I write in my breaks.  Just because my work is flexible doesn't mean it's less important.  I've come a long way in the last twelve months.

Get Up or Sleep In?

Prepping to do battle with my mortal enemy... my alarm clock.
Photo by Keattikorn

This is one of those eternal debates where everyone has chosen a side and no amount of persuasion will ever convince you to change.  Right?

Then why am I finding myself on the fence?

I've always been a late riser.  Happiness is sleeping in past 9.  But I feel like I should be getting so much more done during the day, so I've been giving those hours before 9 the hairy eyeball, trying to decide if I want to reclaim them or not.

This should be an easy decision!

Let me walk you through a typical workday:

6:20 am  Alarm starts going off.  I begin slapping the snooze button.
6:40 am  I relent, groan, roll out of bed and pull on my sweats.  I stagger down the hallway to drag my son from his bed so he can get ready for school.
6:50 am  I check my email, bleary-eyed, while my son gets ready for school.  I'm mostly on autopilot, but I am alert enough to make sure he's getting himself ready and hand out reminders as necessary.  If my daughter gets up, I send her back to bed.
7:15 am  Elias leaves for the bus stop, and I stagger back to bed.
8:30 am  My daughter begins pestering me.  I roll over and she either climbs into bed and snuggles or heads back to her own room.
9:30 am  The pestering wins out and I drag my sorry self from bed, once again feeling guilty for sleeping so long and wondering whether I could possibly handle getting up earlier.  I fix breakfast for myself and Maddie, get her hooked up with her favorite show, read email and Facebook while I eat, then start my workday at 10 am.

I could be doing a lot more with those hours in between.  Or could I?  Do I actually have it in me?  Or would I just stare at the screen for two hours waiting for my brain to wake up?

I've read plenty on resetting your circadian rhythm and whatnot.  After all, I used to work a job where I had to be in seat doing productive things by 7:30 every morning.

So how valuable is that sleep time?  The main question is -- is it more valuable than the work I could be doing during that time? 


Next week I'll experiment with getting up a bit earlier.  It's spring break for the kiddo, so I won't be getting up quite so early, so maybe it will be a way to gradually ease into it.  I'll report back on my success (or lack thereof).

Freelancing Around Asperger's

Use waiting room time wisely.
Photo by Ambro

I got a nice shout-out today over on the Urban Muse's website, in an article entitled Freelancing Around Doctor and Dentist Appointments.  The question raised was:  How do you do it?

The problem of multiple doctor appointments was one of the main reasons I turned to freelancing in the first place.  As nice as the security of a 9 to 5 (okay, 7 to 4, yuck) job is, it's practically impossible to weave it around a schedule involving multiple appointments every week.  As much as I tried to keep all the appointments on a single day, unexpected situations that were beyond my control continued to crop up.  To make matters worse, when all my sick time was being used to stay on top of the situation with my son, it really left us in the lurch when my daughter or I would get sick.

We did our best for as long as we could, alternating sick leave between me and my husband, riding the edge of the FMLA line.  But it simply couldn't last.  When my son required inpatient hospitalization, that was the last straw.  It occurred to me, as I was leaving work to try and make rounds at Children's, that this wasn't working anymore.  I was tired of arguing with my boss, I was tired of meeting with HR to discuss "my attendance problem," I was tired of worrying about the phone calls from school.  I was just plain tired.

At that point, I took a month of unpaid leave to figure out if we could make it if I left work.  I had already been dabbling in freelancing; maybe now was the time to see if it could really work.  Things are tight, but building fast, so I have a lot of hope.  We certainly aren't rich, but we are slowly digging ourselves out of a hole.  And I can work around the crazy appointment schedule, free to drop what I am doing to go put out any fire that might arise.  Not to mention, I've been able to use my experiences as fodder for writing, and I've discovered that I have a powerful voice in the autism/Asperger's niche.

Here's all the ways I work around the appointments:

• As mentioned in the post by the Urban Muse, I bring my netbook with me whenever possible to get work done, especially if it's going to be an especially long or tedious appointment.
• I use the downtime to check emails, read other blogs, tweet... things that are easy to do from my phone and that get lost in the shuffle of writing sometimes.
• I can make the appointment work for me too.  My son's doctors and therapists are a wealth of knowledge and are perfect interview subjects.  I discuss potential ideas and articles (briefly) and ask if they would be willing to schedule an interview later.
• Sometimes it's nice to just kick back and read a bit on my Kindle app. I don't get much time to just enjoy a book and the waiting room can be the perfect place to recharge.

What's your biggest time challenge when it comes to getting the work done?

Resolutions? Really?

Here it comes! Are your plans in place?
Image by Salvatore Vuono

It's that time again.  Time to make a bunch of promises to myself that I will surely break by January 3.  Maybe I can try calling them something different.  How about goals?  Ugh.  That just reeks of rah-rah you-can-do-it life coaching strategies.  All that positivity makes me ill. Can we call it a plan?  That sounds pretty good.  I like to make plans. I probably would have made a good project manager.  I make the plan and someone else has to follow it?  Sounds good to me!

Back to the topic at hand.  My plans for the new year contain many of the old, perennial favorites, but I'm actually heading in this year with some decent strategies in place.  I just need to keep up the momentum.  Here's my PLAN for the 2012:

1.  Live healthier (and hopefully drop some weight).  I've already put this plan in action.  I bought a book from someone about dealing with all that inner junk, to help work on the outer junk.  I know that I definitely have a lot of baggage in this arena, so hopefully this will help.  Can't hurt, right?

2.  Get my money issues in order.  This is an ongoing project over at the other blog.  It's at least something that I'm always conscious of, so hopefully that will keep things going in the right direction.  

3.  Keep the house in better shape.  I am a terrible housekeeper.  I just don't know what it is, but I just plain loathe housework.  And the poor house reflects it.  I don't quite have a strategy for this one yet.  Obviously the simplest strategy is "pick up as you go," but just like the simple strategy for weight loss is "eat less and move more," there's something getting in my way.  If it were that easy, there wouldn't be a whole shelf in the library dedicated to it, right?

And now the writing goals:

1.  Get that stupid city license.  I have the paperwork I need for it (finally), but thanks to holiday money issues, I wound up having to wait.  First paycheck in January is paying for that darn license.  Then I'm going to put my local marketing plan into action!

2.  Finish editing the novel.  Ugh, I know.  I've been saying this forever.  My poor baby is just sitting there, neglected.  I need to just get over it and get it done.  I find it harder and harder to work on projects that aren't actively paying me at the moment.  I need to set up a plan for that darn thing and make it happen.

3.  Start marketing magazine articles more aggressively.  My first real printed magazine article is coming out in March.  At that point I'll have a solid clip.  I plan to drop that clip all over town.  I'm thrilled that I have cultivated a positive relationship with the magazine.  They want me to do more work for them and I'm really excited about that!  Speaking of which...

4.  Get that e-book done. The magazine wants to promote it.  A nationwide ready-made audience ready to read my work?  What the hell am I waiting for?  I think there's a fear factor here, and I'm going to need to deal with it.

5.  Keep working on improving my productivity and efficiency.  It's getting better, but there's still work to be done.  I found a nifty little toy yesterday.  An online stopwatch.  So simple it's almost stupid.  But it kept me focused for long stretches of time, and I really got stuff done.  Good deal.

What will you be working on in the coming months?

The Talents I Don't Have

Yeah, I can't do that either.
Photo by maya picture

I usually try to avoid holiday parties.  I’m not one for enforced frivolity, so most of the time I wind up sitting in the corner, clutching a soda and chatting with the one person I know (other than the host, who is usually never seen).   I attended this one for a few reasons: 

1. The hostess was someone I wanted to get to know better.
2. My husband’s band was scheduled to play.
3. I was actually encouraged to bring the kids.

The party was intended to serve two purposes.  Not only was it a holiday celebration, it was also a kind of housewarming.   The couple who were hosting had purchased the house about a year ago, for a steal.  Of course, when you purchase houses for a steal, you also know that you are going to be renovating the heck out of them, and this was the case here.  When I heard stories about how bad the house was when they bought it, it blew my mind. 

The house was gorgeous.  Restored hardwood, high beamed ceilings and so many wonderful, decorative touches all over the place.  Our hostess is an artist.  She makes the most beautiful handmade dolls you’ve ever seen.  As I received my tour of the house, I couldn’t help feeling jealous.  I wanted to live in this beautiful house, but I know that if I had been in the market and had stumbled across it, I wouldn’t have been able to see the possibilities it presented.  I simply don’t have an eye for that kind of thing.

There’s a lot of talents I don't have:  

• I am not artistic.  I cannot come across some random object and imagine a new way I could use it to decorate my home.  I can't even draw, past a quick sketch.
• For that matter, I have a terrible time keeping my home picked up and free of clutter.
• I am not musical.  I cannot imagine new music or tunes I haven’t heard before.  I can’t sing either, although that doesn’t stop me from belting along with the radio.
• I can’t play first-person shooter video games.  I get lost and confused, and I have a terrible time trying to aim.

But there’s so many things I can do, and when I’m feeling envious of someone else’s talent, I need to remember the ones I have:

• I can turn a phrase and create readable and enticing prose.
• I have a good eye for detail.
• I have a logical approach to life, allowing me to solve problems with little trouble.
• I make friends quickly and easily.
• I can solve logic puzzles that other people see as indecipherable.
• I can cross-stitch, creating my own beautiful works of art. 
• I can cook delicious dinners for my family, embellishing as needed.

That’s not half bad, actually.  

My Writing Thankfulness List

Sometimes they're the hardest words to say.

Image by digitalart

This has been a strange and challenging year for my family, no question about it.

Making the transition from full-time hourly employee to freelance self-employee is something that I had never anticipated before this year, and some days I still wonder if this crazy experiment is going to work.  I know now, though, that working full-time on-site is no longer an option for me.  Everything I've read has told me that the key to a successful freelancing career is dedication and determination and heaven knows I've got those in spades.

I've been playing the thankful game on Facebook.  You know -- the one where everyday you have to come up with something you're thankful for.  The first few are easy, but once you make it past your family and friends, things get a little more challenging.

I take so many things for granted.  Either that, or I'm grudgingly grateful for them.  For example, I'm grateful that there's a roof over my head, but I wish that it wasn't this particular roof.  I'm grateful that I have a car that runs and gets me from Point A to Point B, but I'm frustrated that the heater is going out and that's going to be expensive to fix.

I hope that I haven't been taking my writing opportunities for granted.  Or those who have encouraged me along this rather circuitous and strange route.  While these might not make the Facebook list, I feel like they should be shared here:

• I am thankful for everyone who has supported me and who looked interested when I told them I was planning to write.
• I am thankful to editors who gave me a chance.
• I am thankful to editors who not only gave me a chance, but then gave me the ultimate complement of requesting more.
• I am thankful to everyone who has left a comment on this blog.
• I am thankful to everyone who has left a comment on my other blog.
• I am thankful to people who have read the comments I left and followed me back here.
• I am thankful for volunteer opportunities that opened the door.
• I am thankful to those whose blogs I avidly follow for teaching me so much.
• I am even thankful to the low-paying "beginner" markets out there for being a place for me to stretch my wings and giving me the confidence to seek out bigger and better things.

I am proud to be a part of the vivid online freelance writing community.  Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!

Finding Time for the Fun Stuff

Is it possible to find time for play without feeling guilty?

Image by Idea go

I've found that one of the biggest challenges of working at home has been finding time to do something fun without feeling a bit guilty about it.  The feeling is probably understandable.  I've spent most of my employment life working in a public place with supervisors peering over my shoulder, making sure I'm actually working and not goofing off on the company dime.  My ears are still attuned to the clacking of high heels as a supervisor attempts to sneak up behind me.

So when I'm at home, regardless of the time of day, I feel a little bit guilty if I'm sitting on the couch sharing a snuggle with my daughter, taking the time to mess around on facebook or playing the new video game I just picked up.  My computer is right there, calling me.  "Wooooooooork," it tells me.  "Time's wasting!  You could be doing something productive right now!"

Yes, I probably could be, but we all know what all work and no play does to writers, right?

I've dropped some of my computer games.  I feel slightly less guilty sitting on the couch with an Xbox controller than I do playing WoW on the PC.  That just smacks too much of "goofing off on the job."  It also helps that I can justify playing the Xbox as being "work."  (I know, my life is so difficult, right?)  After each days Skyrim session I'm writing up a journal that is going to be posted at Comics Bulletin as part of our new game coverage.

Reading is another place where I have trouble.  Like the games, I can sometimes justify it as part of my job, but what if I'm just rereading a favorite that I have no intention of reviewing?  Reading can be time consuming and it takes away from time I could be working.

I suppose, just like scheduling my work to be more productive, I could also schedule my "fun." But then it feels too much like work!  Establishing actual "office hours" might be an answer, that way if I'm playing Skyrim and it's three in the afternoon I know perfectly well I'm wasting company time.  Except that part of the reason I work at home is to keep my hours variable so I can deal with the numerous crises that might occur throughout the day.

What is your solution for balancing work and play?

The Productivity Game

Still looking for that magic feather...

Photo by scottchan

Too many mornings I've sat down at my desk, ready to get started raking in the dough... and instead found myself goofing off on Facebook or looking at funny pictures of cats.  To anyone looking in, it might look as if I have nothing to do when it's really the total opposite.

Do I start on the article for the client?
Do I work on a post for this blog?
Do I work on a post for the financial blog?
Do I update my website?
Do I work on some marketing?
Do I work on my e-book?
Do I edit the novel?
Do I query some articles?
Do I write that game review on my back burner?

I could actually keep going on this list.

If I have a pressing deadline, that can usually point me in one direction, but once that's done, I'm caught back up in what my mother calls the "paralysis of analysis."  Too many options, and no idea which should take precedence over another.  Plus, I still have books and blogs to read, classes to take, games to play....

I didn't realize how much it was bothering me (or how much it could potentially be losing me) until I actually had a dream about it the other night.  I dreamed that I had downloaded some kind of magic worksheet that allowed me to properly prioritize my projects, put things into perspective, and allowed me to quadruple my daily output.  I was a writer on fire!  When I woke up, I actually hit Google trying to see if such a magic productivity worksheet actually existed.  Of course, in this same dream I had gorgeous straight hair and looked like Sarah Michelle Gellar, but I figured at least part of it might be a possibility.

Alas, such a worksheet does not appear to exist.  I did find a book called The Productive Writer, and a number of worksheets that go along with it, and I downloaded the book onto the Kindle.  Unfortunately, my Kindle decided to go belly up so I haven't made it past the introduction yet.  The kind people at Amazon are sending me a replacement and I'll hopefully have more insight at that point.

In the meantime, I'll continue using my workaround.  I make a list of my options, attempt to rank them by importance, and dig in.  Perhaps, in time, I'll invent my own magic productivity worksheet.  I doubt I really need it, though.  It's likely something along the lines of Dumbo's feather -- all I need is the belief that I can fly, the feather just helps to focus that belief.

Although it would still be nice to look like Sarah Michelle Gellar.  Oh well.

How do you organize your projects?

Work-at-Home Parent vs. Stay-at-Home Parent

Do you find a way to blur the lines between

working at home and staying at home?

Photo by Carlos Porto

Disclaimer!

This post is in no way intended to insinuate that one of these should be construed as "better" than the other or more noble in any way, shape or form.  For that matter, the same thing goes for parents who work outside the home.  As a parent you are the only one who knows what is best for your family and situation and nobody ever has the right to tell you otherwise!!

Okay, climbing off the soap box now...

As much as I would like to claim that I ditched my full-time job and went into freelance writing out of some romantic starving artist notion, it simply isn't the truth.  While I didn't go into this kicking and screaming (and rather enjoy it, in fact), it was a decision that involved a lot of discussion, testing and compromise.

The driving force behind the decision was the fact that I was needed at home.  My son has special needs and I am frequently needed to deal with situations at the school.  When you work outside the home, phone calls from the school and leaving frequently to pick up a child from school isn't exactly the best way to score points with the management.  An FMLA is helpful, but it can't solve every situation.

As the situation got stickier and stickier and I spent more time "visiting" with human resources, I realized that I was going to have to make a decision.  At the time, I had started dabbling in freelance writing and I'd had some success earning money.  Could I do this full time?  I wasn't sure, but I suspected I was going to be finding out soon.

I took a sabbatical from work in May to try and see how leaving work would go.  I felt lighter almost instantly.  Having the ability to get up and go whenever I needed without running it past my boss, which usually involved a great deal of anxiety on my part, complete with hammering heartbeat and dry mouth, was such a freeing experience.  I knew right away that, for the sake of my son and for my own sanity, we were going to have to find a way to make this work.

For many families, the story would end there.  One parent stays home to handle the situation with the child while another goes to work.  In our case it wasn't quite that simple.  One paycheck simply doesn't cut it.  Bills still have to get paid, especially since our medical bills can be quite high.

I'm fortunate enough to have a talent and a desire to work from home.  But I've found that separating "work from home" with "stay at home" isn't quite as simple as I initially thought. I've indulged myself numerous times, starting work late, taking the kids to the park, procrastinating to watch a movie with my daughter, stopping work to play a game with my son...  everything still gets done on time, but I could probably get a lot more done if I would do better about buckling down.

And then I remind myself that my daughter won't always be three, and she won't always think that snuggling on the couch with mom is a great way to spend a morning.  My son won't always want to show me his new guitar chords or his latest science experiment.  So maybe it's okay to blur the lines between working at home and staying at home.

So maybe it's not such a black and white issue after all.  Maybe it's a spectrum, like this:

<--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->
Stay-at-home                                                            Work-at-home

And I'm happily somewhere in the middle.

If you are a parent working home, where do you fall on the spectrum?

The Art of the "No"

When should you turn down a request for help?

Photo by Tungphoto

I confess to having a weak spot for a person in need.  I've certainly had to rely on the kindness of others more than once in my life, and I like having the opportunity to pay it back whenever I can.  Since I generally don't have a lot of cash handy, I usually offer my time.

Here's the problem with that.

I sometimes forget that time is just as valuable a commodity as that green paper you keep in your wallet.  (Notice I said that you keep in your wallet.  There's certainly none of it in mine.)  And others forget that work at home doesn't equate play at home.

Recently I got myself into a situation where I was way over my head.  A friend asked for help and I did my darndest to oblige.  A month turned into three months and I soon found myself exhausted and frustrated by the favor I was doing.  And I had no idea how to get myself out of it, since their livelihood depended on my assistance.

I was complaining and moaning about it, but I couldn't find the guts to simply say "no."  Or rather, I did, but the friend came back with a counter offer, and I said "okay," cursing myself the entire time.

Finally last week I had an epiphany.  I was putting my friend's family's needs over my own family's needs and certainly far above my own needs.  A favor was fast turning into a full time job.  I took a day to get my guts together and then the next day I sat her down, ready to hand her my awful verdict.

And got the surprise of my life.  She had already solved the problem in a way that would no longer require my assistance. She had already realized that she was asking for too much and had taken the steps to fix the situation, not wanting to feel like she was taking advantage of me.  I was incredibly relieved, since I was worried that saying "no" could put a strain on the friendship.  But instead, she gets to keep her job and I get my life back and all's well that ends well.

So what does this have to do with writing?

1.  If you work at home, before you agree to help out with a volunteer commitment that is likely to take up your time, remember that the keyword is "work."  Any job you take on that doesn't directly contribute to your income (and even some that do contribute to your income) is likely to cause your income and productivity to take a hit.  Trying to recoup that income is likely to leave you stressed and exhausted.

2.  Before agreeing to help out, consider the reality of the situation.  How much time is this really going to take?  Will helping out cost me money?  In my case, I learned that four kids really are not just as easy as two, and feeding the ravenous hordes was digging into my grocery bill.

3.  Negotiate.  Sometimes a trade can be more valuable than cash.  When someone needs assistance and can't offer you money, try to set up a barter system.  Everyone has a talent.  Sometimes a favor in the future can be beneficial.

Just to be straight -- I'm not saying never help out a friend in need and never volunteer.  Volunteerism is good.  The world would be a better place if people gave of their time and money more freely.  But do so on your own terms and don't overwhelm yourself with duties.  Burning out benefits no one.

I actually just offered my help in another arena last night.  I'll probably never be an expert on the art of saying "no."  But I did do a much better job assessing the time and energy commitment.  And if it gets to be too much, I will back out gracefully, standing firm in my decision.

Patching the Holes

Caution -- Work in Progress

image by Idea go

I have a tendency to jump into things feet-first, learning as I go, and fixing errors when needed.  Although I'm good at research, I am often impatient.  Plus, sometimes I never realize how challenging certain tasks can be and I bite off far more than anyone could possibly chew.

But I think one of my better qualities is the ability to take a step back, analyze the situation, find the mistakes and fix them.

When I decided that freelance writing was something I wanted to pursue, I jumped in feet first, as per my norm.  Need a website?  Got it!  How about a blog? No sweat! Out went the query letters and I started plugging away.  Then reality smacked me upside the face.

1.  I have no web design skills at all.
2.  I didn't know what direction my blog should take.
3.  I had no credits to impress potential clients with.

Well, that's a problem.

So I got to work fixing them.

I tackled #2 and #3 first.  I now have a stable-full of credits, even some ghostwriting work that clients were nice enough to let me use.  One of my biggest annoyances is that some of my work is still stuck on a "content farm" site.  I didn't want to make my blog a "catch-all," and I like to write about different things, so I'm still trying to decide how to approach that.  I'm writing more and more about Asperger's, since that's a topic rather dear to my heart, and I'm toying with the idea of creating a blog that deals specifically with that.  Then I would have a place to post those articles.  I've also got some pretty decent stuff up over at Comics Bulletin, and I need to find a way to showcase that better.

This blog has consolidated itself and found its purpose in the last several months and I'm glad for that.  An occasional off-topic post is fine, but I prefer stable subject matter.

This morning I went after #1.  I was hating my website.  It looked crummy and bland and had pretty much no visual interest at all.  I dug around and played with different features, and this morning I actually have a website I'm proud of.  It still needs some work, no question, but it's getting there.  I need to figure out why some of the links are green and some are grey (does it just show like that for me? I can't tell!), but it looks a lot more professional.  I want to get more visuals up there, but it's going to take some more playing and fiddling.  I tried to add a picture of me, but it got all weird and stretched out, so that's going to take some figuring out as well.

So my question for you --

Are you a feet-first person, patching the holes as you go?  Or do you research all the details and hire a professional for the things you aren't 100 percent sure about?

The "Go with the Flow" Phenomenon

Ever made a decision and had all the pieces click into place?

Image by Danilo Rizzuti

Life is full of choices.  Some are small ones:  what to have for breakfast, which socks to wear, whether to buy that book you want in paperback or on Kindle.  Others are potential life changers:  the decision to go back to school, change careers, have kids.  Often we simply have to make a list of the pros and cons, pick a side and hope like crazy that we made the right decision.  

But I've found throughout my life that the world has a way of telling you when you've made a good decision.  This can be ascribed to any number of conditions:  some may call it fate, others may think of it as God's will, others may consider it the balance of the universe.  The label doesn't matter, but I call it going with the flow.

Have you ever made a big decision and watched pieces click into place in a way that felt like it couldn't be an accident?  I've seen this many times in my life.  For me, it's the clue that I'm on the right path and doing what I'm meant to do in this world.  Or have you made a decision and been stymied time after time, with every turn a challenge and nothing working out like it should?  I've experienced this as well, with decisions that I've looked back on later and wondered what I could have possibly been thinking.

Ten years ago I was a single mom, separated after leaving a horrible relationship and responsible for a 1-year-old boy.  The only job I could get was a minimum wage gig working the checkout at a local drugstore.  I lived in a one-bedroom barely there apartment.  I knew I needed to make a change, for the sake of my son if nothing else, but I didn't know what to do.  I got to talking to one of the women who worked in the pharmacy as a technician.  It seemed like something I could do and it paid twice what I was making.  I made the decision to get pharmacy tech training.

And things began clicking into place.  I made phone calls to find a program.  Every school was full, but I got put on waiting lists.  A week later, one of the schools called to tell me that an opening had come available and I would be starting the following month.  I qualified for a grant that would not only pay for my schooling but would also help with some of my living expenses.  I was able to set up an arrangement with daycare and family that would allow me to go to school eight hours a day and follow that with a shift at the store.  After I had been in class for three months, the drugstore moved me to the pharmacy so I could start my training back there.  This came with a pay raise and nights that weren't so late.

I was where I was supposed to be at that time in my life.  I moved to a pharmacy in a grocery store and then took a contract job at the University.  After I had my daughter, when money was tight, the University called me at exactly the right time to see if I wanted to come back and work for them.  They bought my contract and I worked there for the next three years.  

When I realized I wanted to do more and wanted to use my writing and editing talents, the same coincidences started happening.  A Google search landed me a volunteer gig web editing, an easy way to gather experience.  I found inexpensive classes to work towards a certificate in technical writing that fit into my schedule.  I found websites brimming with advice that pointed me exactly where I needed to be.  And I had the pieces in place when my life took a turn and I needed to leave the cushy University position.

My husband has observed this phenomenon as well.  He says that once he met me, the relationship felt "effortless" and things went smoother than any relationship he had ever been in.  When I interviewed a friend for an article, she mentioned the same phenomenon, without any prodding from me.  She decided to open a kid's consignment store and all the pieces started clicking into place.  A year later, she is a successful small-business owner.  

Have you ever experienced this in your own life?  What do you call it?